If You Want to Be Happier, Stop Focusing on Success
How over-focusing on success could be killing your wellbeing
How do you define ‘success’?
Seriously, take a moment to reflect on this.
When I mention the word ‘successful’ what images or ideas spring to mind?
If you live in a westernised country (Australia, UK, USA etc) chances are your idea of success is largely externally focused.
Success lies in that job promotion you’ve been chasing. In the 6-figure salary. It resides inside the nice house with the cute picket fence and the ‘perfect’ family.
Whilst each of these achievements appear to be great on the surface they could be killing your wellbeing and overall happiness due to a pesky little psychological phenomenon called the hedonic treadmill.
What is the Hedonic Treadmill
Most treadmills are good for your wellbeing. This one isn’t.
The hedonic treadmill is what is responsible for that underlying feeling of dissatisfaction, the hidden hum of anxiety and the overwhelming sense of stress that regularly accompany the relentless pursuit of a ‘successful’ life.
The best way to understand the hedonic treadmill is to think of it as the “I’ll be happy when…” trap.
How often in life have you pursued something that you thought would bring endless happiness only to find that you were back to the same stressed out, anxiety-driven and frantic pursuit of the next big goal mere moments later?
Let’s say you did get that promotion, then what?
Or you make a 6 figure income, what do you do with it?
This is the issue with the high achiever mindset that society links so closely with the concept of ‘success’; you achieve a lot but it never quite feels like enough.
There always seems to be something missing.
How to Escape the Treadmill
The good news is that you don’t have to stay stuck on the treadmill forever. Nor do you have to give up the new job, the pay rise or the perfect family to be happy.
The ideal outcome is to shift from being a stressed out, anxious and borderline burnt out high achiever to a high achiever that (heaven forbid) is actually fulfilled and happy.
The first step to doing this is to get crystal clear on what success means to you.
- Not to your family.
- Not to your partner.
- Not to your boss.
- And definitely not to society.
What does a successful life look like to you?
Success = Thriving
Whilst you’re exploring how to define success I’m going to plant a seed of thought.
At BU we’ve noticed a common trend amongst the people who fulfil their potential, the people who lead fulfilling and balanced lives and the people who are genuinely happy and highly accomplished at the same time.
They define success as something more than just the achievement of external goals.
They align success with thriving.
To thrive means you’re ‘successful’ across all the major domains of your life. After all, what’s the point of being ‘successful’ in your career if it comes at the cost of your health, your family and your overall happiness?
To thrive also means you’re highly accomplished at internal skills as well as external skills. Your ability to climb the workplace ladder means nothing if you don’t know how to cultivate your own self-esteem or manage stress.
At its core, thriving means you’re able to; manage your emotions and master your mind.
To do this you’re going to need 2 things:
- The right tools
- The right team
When you combine proven, practical and effective tools with a team of mentors, coaches and like-minded individuals you’re putting yourself in the best possible position to thrive.
This is exactly what we provide people just like you with during their Freshman Year in our Personal Development & Wellbeing Accelerator.
You’ll learn strategies from 5 different fields of research that will empower you to thrive. Plus, you’ll be surrounded by a team of coaches, experts and likeminded people who will guide the way and hold you accountable throughout your journey.
If you’re ready to build a thriving life, and you’d like to find out more about your Freshman Year at BU, then click here.
