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Is it okay to lie in a relationship?


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Doing a little research and thought exercise on whether lying is okay or not. I thought I might write a post to help married couples navigate the nuances of dishonesty in marriage and relationships. Undoubtedly, I believe most people do not like to be lied to, but many people believe that there are times when lying is okay. I am not sure if you are one of those people, but let’s take a squint at some information to get some finality to this question.

When asking the question, “Is lying okay?” expressly in marriage, I am going to seem that you or someone else has once been dishonest. You moreover probably want the wordplay right away. The short wordplay is, lying is not okay. Although you might say it depends, I might then ask you, “Do you like pain?” The wordplay is probably no. Lying is not okay in most cases, considering it is causes other’s pain. But when we examine and consider the information we find from variegated sources, there are very rare times where lying would be considered applicable. They seem to be increasingly suited for life or death situations. Remember, RARE is the time that a lie is okay.

Now, I am not ultimatum to be an expert, so you might disagree, but hopefully by the time you are washed-up reading this post you will understand my position. Others of you may protract to disagree. I am okay with that. We all are privy to our own opinions and perceptions, however, that does not midpoint that either you or me are correct. So, I encourage you to come at this with an unshut mind, just as I have been doing through my research and reading of other’s ideas well-nigh this question. Let’s be respectful of each other’s intelligence, as well as, considerate of emotions as we swoop into the possibilities.

What opinions are out there well-nigh lying in relationships?

There seem to be 2 or 3 opinions addressing if lying is okay in a relationship. The first opinion is that lying is not okay at all. Then there is a large zany of people who believe “white lies” are okay and sometimes it is okay to fib when in danger or trying not to hurt a loved one. Finally, there are some that believe lying is okay and make a lifestyle out of it. We could possibly plot a orchestration that might show that most people believe at least most lies are not okay.

After reviewing numerous articles, it seems well-spoken that people who believe lies are “okay” have multiple reasons for this. Whether to not hurt someone or to stay safe, the examples given at least sound reasonable. One such example is when someone is trapped in an wiseacre relationship. Others examples are well-nigh whether you should tell your partner if you like their outfit, if they are fat, or if you thought someone else was attractive. The last 3 are worldwide occurrences. Many people would say that those moments are well-nigh sparing their partner’s feelings or to alimony the peace.

Here are some other examples that make you have to think increasingly well-nigh the question of whether lying is okay:

  • A husband lies to his wife well-nigh where they are going to surprise her for a birthday party or event that has been planned for her.
  • A young child is rescued from a car wreck where its parents were killed, but the child does not know this and is in serious condition itself. The paramedic tells the child its parents are okay. He intends to let the child know when he is sure his condition has improved.
  • What well-nigh dementia people who are placed in nursing home facilities considering it is to nonflexible to take superintendency of them, but they are tumbled and combative?

 These examples and others are given HERE. They create an intriguing conversation well-nigh the morality of lying. Or if some perceived lies are plane lies at all.

People who believe lies are not okay tend to be increasingly religious or moral. The Bible has some things to say well-nigh dishonesty and examples to help us understand this wordplay from a Christian view. We will touch on that later.

Others, like my wife, tend to have a very tender heart and can finger tightly the hurt and pain of others. She has told me that she struggles with understanding why anyone would want to lie. I have unchangingly said she has one of the purest hearts of anyone I know. This does not midpoint that these people don’t lie, sin, or make mistakes. They are just very sensitive to the pain that is caused and truly believe it is wrong to lie due to the hurt they know comes out of quack behavior.

Each person has their own view based on many experiences, beliefs, and desires. It’s nonflexible to know who is right. At this point the wordplay to this seemingly uncomplicated question poses no definitive answer. At best, the wordplay for now is, “It depends.” So, let’s protract to parse this out.

What does the research say well-nigh dishonesty in relationships?

When it comes to understanding anything, I like to trammels research, others’ opinions, and the Bible (Not necessarily in that order). Now that we have looked at what the differing opinions on this topic, I want to present some, but not all research. Research gives us an understanding of the increasingly scientific, fine tuned information that is out there well-nigh our query.

I found one article by Brandon Gaille that provides some interesting stats well-nigh lying. It is worth looking at to requite us a glimpse of what the possible statistics are saying.

Several statistics that he posted show that 80% of women shoehorn to telling harmless half-truths, occasionally. He moreover notes that 90% of people lie on dating sites. This is interesting considering we that is a massive value of dishonesty. Also, people are connecting increasingly and increasingly in this way these days. I wonder if this confirms the idea that everyone is lying, and not just lying, but lying a lot.

He moreover notes that 6 lies are told daily by men to their partner, boss, or colleagues. 3 lies are told daily by women to their partner, boss, or colleagues. I am not sure if this is accurate, considering I have moreover read that the stereotype number that a person lies a day is increasingly like 1 and a half times.

He interestingly notes that approximately 1 lie in every 7 are discovered or found out.

Two other statistics I saw that were interesting from his vendible said that a 10th of lies are just exaggerations and 60% were outright deceptions.

Finally, he suggests that 70% of liars requirement they would tell their lies again, and Americans tell an stereotype of 11 lies a week.

In flipside article, the APA presented information that suggests telling the truth increasingly often when you have the endangerment to lie or just telling less lies unquestionably improves your mental and physical health. This is unconfined news! So, plane if telling a lie is okay, you will receive some goody from not telling lies.

A 2016 study showed that dishonesty changes the smart-ass and unquestionably makes it easier to lie again. That’s scary! Why would you want to lie if you knew this information? This is definitely not a benefit. Maybe as we get increasingly detrimental information, we will be proving that lying is not beneficial, thus by default is not okay (If only it were that easy!).

One last study I found is increasingly than interesting. Remember the older statistics? They showed that lying is very prevalent (ie, 4-6 lies a day). A study from 2021 suggests that most people are unquestionably honest, and there are only a few people who are pathological liars. This data is the opposite of what was seen in past studies that suggested most people are liars and lie a lot.

Fortunately, this is why we protract to do research and not just take things at squatter value. The new study was increasingly robust and seems to be increasingly accurate. Trammels out this article to learn more.

Here are a few increasingly data points that could help us in figuring this out:

One study washed-up in 2016 showed that 59% of people surveyed rarely finger the need to lie or trickery and 23% said they never finger that way. That’s 82% that rarely, if ever, finger the need to lie or cheat. To me, that’s amazing. We are largest than I thought! Looking at the graph, they moreover show that only 4% finger they have to lie or trickery “often.” That is sad, but maybe our world is not so bad without all.

This survey answered an word-for-word question that is at the heart of what we are trying to find out. The graph shows that 64% of people finger it’s sometimes okay to lie, but 36% said it’s never justified. The majority of us think that lying is “sometimes justified.” But a huge permafrost of us finger it is “never justified.” That speaks volumes. So maybe we need to icon this out! Who’s Right?

One last study mentioned that 7% of all liaison are lies, but 90% of lies are only white lies. Interesting indeed!

I know this post is not well-nigh how much and how often and what types of lies people tell, but the data we get from research can help us know what humans believe well-nigh lying. So far we are seeing that most people believe lying is at least justified in some situations, but many people still see it as totally wrong.

What does the Bible say regarding lying?

I know some people won’t want to hear what Christianity has to say well-nigh lying. Please don’t leave yet! The Bible is moreover a typesetting of wisdom, plane if you don’t believe in God or Jesus.

I seem most Christians would unquestionably think the Bible says lying is wrong, but I moreover seem that some Christians are lumped in with the 64% of us who say lying is sometimes justified. However, I think we are going to find out some things well-nigh what the Bible says that maybe we didn’t expect.

I am not going to do a full scale review here. If you want a increasingly in-depth review of the Bible’s view of lying, please see my next post. It will be posted HERE when I am finished with it.

Examples of Lying in the Bible

There are a few examples in the Scriptures where we see very lies stuff told.

      • Some opinions well-nigh the first time a lie is told in the Bible can get convoluted. Some believe it was when Satan told Eve that they would “not surely die” if they ate of the fruit of the tree. Some predicate that unquestionably Adam told the first lie and it is inferred that he told Eve that God said “ye shall not eat or TOUCH” the fruit. The wing of touch is understood by those asserting this theory to be the lie that Adam would have told Eve.
      • Another lie that we see is where Abraham was quack with Pharaoh well-nigh Sarah stuff his wife. Pharaoh luckily was warned by God of the matter.
      • Ananias and Saphira lied well-nigh how much money they received from selling their land. They both perished by God’s hand through Peter considering of their deception.
      • Rahab helped the Jewish spies hibernate in the municipality of Jericho and lied to protect them.
      • Jacob lied to Isaac to proceeds Esau’s birthright.
      • The Jewish midwives in Egypt lied to save their victual boys considering Pharaoh had ordered them to skiver all new born males.
      • Some people plane believe Jesus lied to his brothers well-nigh going up to Jerusalem for the feast. He told them “I am not going up,” but he did. However, this is taken out of context. He moreover added, “My time has not yet come.” Inferring that, that when His Father led Him to go up to Jerusalem, he would go.

Many increasingly examples of lying exist in the Bible. Dishonesty is obviously not new and is month old. It started from the whence when Adam and Eve were created and continues to exist as a problem today. You could say lying might be considered the first sin. Although some might say it was pride.

Some intriguing considerations come out of the story of Adam and Eve. Did Adam tell Eve that they shouldn’t touch the fruit? God only said to not eat of the fruit of the tree. If Adam did tell Eve this, did he tell her that God said that, or did he just say not to touch the fruit to alimony them unscratched (might be a big part of our wordplay to our question)? Did he unquestionably lie to her? If so, what does that say well-nigh sin? Did it come into existence prior to eating the fruit? Was it disobedience? Are there times where sin is justified if Adam lied to Eve prior to her eating the fruit?

These are all interesting questions. I am not sure we can find answers to them. Would what Adam taught Eve be increasingly of an exaggeration as I am not sure sin had entered the world yet? Or is there increasingly to this? Maybe it is a track to when dishonesty might be justified.

Could it be that considering Adam wanted to make sure that they were safe that he told Eve an exaggerated version of what God said and that was okay in God’s vision considering it was to not bring harm or for the greater good? Or would that be considered fear? At this point I am just wondering, but who knows. It moreover makes me wonder if dishonesty happened surpassing Eve plane ate the fruit. What then? How does that play a role in this sin concept inward the world?

Verses well-nigh Lying

Let’s explore some Scriptures well-nigh dishonesty. What does the Bible say well-nigh lying? A quick search on the web well-nigh lying in the Bible reveals many versus and examples of dishonesty in the Bible. I will only list a few unelevated that will get your want wet. Then I will discuss transiently what I think these verses and others tell us well-nigh the Scriptures’ view of dishonesty.

Old Testament Verses well-nigh Dishonesty

      • Exodus 20:16 (ESV) – You shall not withstand false witness versus your neighbor
      • Proverbs 6:16-19 (ESV) – There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an villainy to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.
      • Proverbs 12: 22 (ESV) – Lying lips are an villainy to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.
      • Proverbs 19:9 (ESV) – A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.
      • Psalm 101:7 (ESV) – No one who practices sanctimony shall dwell in my house; no one who utters lies shall protract surpassing my eyes.
      • Proverbs 14:5 (ESV) – A true-blue witness does not lie, but a false witness breathes out lies.

New Testament Verses well-nigh Dishonesty

      • Colossians 3:9-10 (ESV) – Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is stuff renewed in knowledge without the image of its creator.
      • Ephesians 4:25 (ESV) – Therefore, having put yonder falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
      • Revelation 21:8 (ESV) – But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.
      • Matthew 15:18-20 (ESV) – But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.
      • James 3:14 (ESV) – But if you have stormy jealousy and selfish yearing in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.
      • James 1:26 (ESV) – If anyone thinks he is religious and does not leash his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.

Conclusion well-nigh the Bible’s view on lying

As you read through Scripture and familiarize yourself with examples of dishonesty and verses well-nigh God’s dislike of dishonesty, it’s easy to see that lying is not necessarily God’s favorite thing. He plane says that it is an abomination, and one of the 7 things God hates.

However, you have to remember that the Bible is a typesetting written by many authors with a similar theme that tells the story of God, His Son, and the salvation of the human race. It moreover was written in two variegated languages (Hebrew – Old Testament, Greek – New Testament). If you know anything well-nigh these languages, they don’t match up well to our current English language and expressly not “American English” or “slang.”

Knowing the nuances in translation of the original language to current understandable language helps us see that what we are reading when the Bible says, “You shall not withstand false witness versus your neighbor,” may pose a slightly variegated meaning, context, or major shift in what we think it is saying.

When we read this verse, it certainly seems like it ways simply to not lie. I guess we can hands generalize it, but it’s not meant to be generalized. One wringer of this statement is literally not stuff a false witness in court. It doesn’t say in court, but if you know much well-nigh the history, then this would most likely be the most correct translation of this verse. I would love to go remoter into this, but that will have to wait for flipside time.

With this understand and other verses such as Colossians 3:9-10 or Matthew 15:18-20 we start to see that this has increasingly to do with how you treat others. When we read Proverbs 12:22 it ends with saying, “but those who act faithfully are his delight.” He follows up saying that “lying lips are an abomination” with this. What does vicarial faithfully have to do with it? It seems that when we act faithfully, loving, or kind, it’s a difference of heart. In Matthew 15, God plane says, “for out of the heart come…” which suggests he is linking lying with the heart.

I think this is interesting and we should read Biblical finance possibly from this angle. Yes, there are very strong statements versus dishonesty in the Bible, but it still seems unclear whether it is okay to lie or not, considering some of the examples we have discussed Biblically and from our everyday lives.

How do you finger when you are lied to, expressly by your loved one?

Another viewpoint that we can consider is our own emotions when we ourselves are lied to. I know when I have been lied to, I finger betrayed, hurt, fearful, sad, disconnected, and a whole host of other negative emotions. It definitely does not finger good!

I work with couples all the time and when trust is wrenched due to lying, I see those same couples struggling with deep emotions that alimony them separated and shredded for days, weeks or plane months. It’s not fun and sometimes so treasonous it tears them apart.

Fear is a real thing considering it has been shown in some research studies that the primary desire or need for humans is connection. Basically, we just wanted to be wonted for who we are. But when someone lies to us, we finger rejected.

Think well-nigh it. When someone is quack with you, they possibly did not think of you unbearable to believe you were worth telling the truth to. Now that may be an exaggeration, but that could be one perspective. The marrow line is it makes us finger really bad. Our feelings well-nigh stuff lied to definitely signal something is wrong with dishonesty.

What happens when people lie?

Another speciality is to consider what happens when people lie. Many things can happen. Fighting, divorce, hiding, increasingly lying and many other negatives things. I am not sure I can think of too many positive things that happen when people lie. Possibly if it saves a life, that could be considered positive, but that may just be wishful thinking, but who knows if it will work.

Lying divides people. I think we are seeing increasingly lies in our world right now that is causing increasingly unconnectedness and destruction than maybe the world has overly seen. It’s definitely not what was intended for our world. It goes when to seed sowing. What you sow, you will reap. That’s often the consensus. When you lie, you are sowing dishonesty and you will reap whatever that sown seed produces.

Is there overly an okay time to lie?

To wrap up I will requite my opinion. This is no way is an reverberate of the Bible or God or any other people. I have read a lot and researched a lot and have come to my conclusion based on what you have read here and more. I am part of the supposed 64% who believe it is sometimes okay to lie. However, that sometimes comes with a lot of circumspection flags, rules, and stipulations. I first derive my wordplay for that from Scriptures.

I believe that we are, first of all, humans. We can’t know everything and so sometimes we aren’t in a place to hear God’s voice like we need to. I believe if we could hear God’s voice, He probably would be telling us to, “Trust Me!” Now plane saying this makes me want to transpiration my wordplay to the idea that it is never okay to lie, but part of me feels that there is a very small window where lying is okay.

Let’s talk well-nigh that window. I believe that window is when it’s for the greater good, usually for life and death situations. Think well-nigh the Jews in Nazi Germany or Rahab in Jericho. Rahab hid the spies and there are famous cases where Jews were subconscious from the Germans to save their lives. Would a loving God indulge this? I believe so.

If there is a greater good, or should I tell a lie that is of “true love and sacrifice,” then that lie comes from the right place in the heart! It is redeemable. Would you tell a lie to your parents considering you don’t want your younger brother to be brutally willpower considering he did something wrong? It’s love. Is it wrong? It would be nonflexible to prove it is.

However, this can never be taken lightly. I think that is the major issue. We take telling lies lightly. We don’t recognize the seriousness. If it’s not life or death, then it shouldn’t be told. That’s serious! When we start to see that a loving situation where life or death is stuff faced is the only meter for stuff dishonest, then we realize that this is serious. Lying to your spouse has NOTHING to do with life or death 99.9999% of the time.


So, is it overly okay to lie to your spouse, friend, loved one or partner? The vast majority of the time the wordplay is a resounding, “NO!” It’s not worth it. The Bible is very clear. We can explore that in increasingly death at flipside time. Our feelings well-nigh lying present a well-spoken picture of how much destruction and hurt it causes.

The examples I gave where lying might be considered okay are very rare circumstances. For most people, lying should not be an option. That’s how I would have you set your mind. Lying is NOT AN OPTION! If you indulge it to be an option, you will use it. And inevitably, you will HURT someone. You reap what you sow! Sometimes the greatest method for not vicarial negatively is to not put yourself in a position to act negatively.

Let’s learn to do what God says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think well-nigh these things.” Philippians 4:8 (ESV)


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