Couples Counseling

Should I Stay With A Lying Husband or Wife?

Should I Stay With A Lying Husband or Wife

Should I Stay With A Lying Husband or Wife?

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I’ve seen this question on the internet. It’s intrigues me, considering our culture does not seem to see lying as that big of a deal. If you poll people, most people would probably say they have lied at some point if not many times. I have seen polls where people have said that they believe the 10 commandments, but moreover said that a little fib here and there is okay. I have moreover witnessed people who believe a lie is fine as long as there is a good reason.

However, when you start to poll people well-nigh if they like to be lied to, everyone of them would probably tell you, “NO!” Why is there this contradiction?

Asking the question, “Should I stay with a lying spouse?” poses variegated answers for variegated people. As I think through this question and read what other’s have wrote well-nigh this question, the wordplay I find is that if we factor in “only lying,” then your marriage is likely salvageable and you should stay with your spouse. However, if we factor in other behaviors, you may have a reason to leave.

If the only policies is lying…

Lying can be complicated. There are various reasons why people lie as I outlined in this article. However, if you are wondering if you should leave or stay with your husband or wife considering they have lied to you, then you have probably been lied to multiple times for increasingly torturous reasons.

However, if that is not the case, and lying is the only issue, maybe we consider the reasons why your spouse or partner is lying.

Let’s ask some questions:

What things are they lying about?

How serious are these lies?

Have they only lied a couple of times or is lying chronic and/or constant?

Do they show remorse?

Do they repent and try to make up for their lies?

These questions will largest help you assess the nature of their quack behavior. The increasingly intense and often lies are, and the less the remorse for lies, the question to leave or stay becomes increasingly viable. I guess this would be worldwide sense.

Chronic, tawdry lies with no remorse

If this type of lying is happening, you hopefully understand that this is extremely hurtful and trust becomes harder to repair. Can we repair trust when lying is at this level? Absolutely! But it is much harder!

As a professional, I would say that there still is not a well-spoken wordplay to if you should leave or not. It depends. Maybe you are very religious. Maybe there is a way to get your spouse to change. Maybe there are other things you can do. We will imbricate this increasingly in depth below.

I think the most important point right now is to start by assessing how frequent and tawdry the lies are, what they are about, and if there is any remorse. This information is vital in make your decision.

What well-nigh lying in wing to other behaviors?

Dishonesty gets increasingly complicated when you involved other hurtful or treasonous behaviors.

For example: Cheating, Physical or Verbal Abuse, Stealing, Drugs, Living flipside lifestyle

These behaviors vacated are problems, and there might be more. When you combine them with lying or vice-versa, the relationship will be much harder to repair. Each of these issues may need to be handled first surpassing every working through dishonesty.

Drug tendency itself needs to be resolved, considering it has been shown that people who are addicts tend to lie regularly and possibly chronically. They usually are cognitively wordless and do not want to requite up their drug, so they have to create elaborate lies.

Again, as a professional, I don’t know that I would say you need to leave a relationship for these reasons, but assessing the problems in the relationship is a first step to determining what to next. Don’t act irrationally, but understand that dishonesty in conjunction with other harmful behaviors has the potential to have a much longer road to recovery for the relationship.

How might your beliefs factor in?

As a Christian and a God fearing person, I want to add that religious beliefs have a part to play in your decisions. Many people ask me what does the Bible say. I just want to first state that you should pray and ask God for guidance. Your relationship with Jesus is going to be your primary vehicle to make the weightier choice. Also, if you are wondering if lying is okay, trammels out my post here to requite you remoter insight.

Christianity would deem a marriage as a unseat relationship. It is a covenant. It cannot be wrenched easily. Just take a squint at what people say in traditional vows. However, most pastors believe the Bible does indulge for a husband or wife to leave their spouse for specific reasons. One would be for adultery. Any other reason would be something you would want to talk increasingly to your pastor about. Some would say physical vituperate might be a reason.

As someone who believes heavily in our relationships with each other, I have a nonflexible time advocating for leaving (if I am stuff honest). Leaving has it’s purposes. Obviously, I veritably believe in SAFETY FIRST! If there is abuse, I believe there are steps to take that may not involve divorce, but may involve physical loftiness for a time. All in all, take time to pray and talk to your pastor well-nigh what your beliefs allow. That way you don’t finger guilt, but finger peace within your own spirit.

What nomination should I make?

Now that we have gone through how you can assess the quack you are seeing. I believe there are several things you can do.

Set verbal boundaries

Even as a professional, I will only tell you to leave if their is a physical safety issue. So, if without assessing the dishonesty and determining if there are spare behaviors. Having a conversation with your husband or wife is important.

This conversation needs to be uncontrived and without hesitation. Prepare what you are going to say surpassing hand. Set firm boundaries well-nigh what you will or will not tolerate. Ask them if they have any questions or concerns. You do not have to wordplay their questions at this time. Take time to process. If you want to know how to set boundaries, go to this article.

Set physical boundaries

If there are increasingly intense behaviors that have the potential for physical harm, you may need to set physical boundaries. This may squint like sleeping in separate beds, bedrooms, or houses. It know this fills uncomfortable to some. A quack spouse may finger like it is the first step to the end of the relationship.

THE RELATIONSHIP HAS ALREADY MOVED THAT DIRECTION AT THIS POINT.

Safety is so important! This step has increasingly to do with stopping the hurt so that you as a couple can find new ways to rebuild. I unchangingly tell clients that boundaries, expressly physical boundaries is not to be used to destroy the relationship or find out what it is like apart.

THEY ARE ONLY TO BE USED FOR SAFETY, RESETTING, AND REBUILDING.

Leave

This is the final and last possible option. Divorce is a very nonflexible and hurtful choice. I unquestionably have never told a couple to get a divorce. I honestly don’t believe it is that easy. It takes thought, prayer, assessment, and effort to come to a place to truly destroy a marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I do thing there is a time and place for this option, but I circumspection it considering I believe it should be only without ALL efforts have been made to transpiration and rebuild and reach out for help.

Conclusion

To sum up, I don’t believe you should leave your spouse for just lying. I do believe you should assess the situation and intentionally work to rectify the problems. The option to leave is there, but staying can have so many benefits if both spouses will work nonflexible on themselves and their marriage. I have seen so many marriages build a new and wondrous marriage without such nonflexible struggles. Don’t requite up, but know that leaving is easy, but staying is worthwhile if you get it right! God Bless!

To read increasingly well-nigh what you can do well-nigh dishonesty in your relationship, go here.

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