Couples Counseling

Why Do People Lie in Relationships: 8 reasons for dishonesty

Why Do People Lie in Relationships: 8 Reasons for dishonesty.

Are you struggling with dishonesty? Wondering why? It seems a mystery at times. You would think that love for partners and fear of hurting or losing your spouse would deter dishonesty. So what gives? Culturally, lying seems to be wonted for some circumstances, but when it happens in relationships, it can be devastating. Wrenched trust, decreased affection, and other possible effects on your marriage or relationship are the results of this behavior. You may be experiencing some of these. Why would anyone do this?

Through some research and combing through variegated resources, I have come up with 8 reasons for quack policies in relationships. This list is probably not exhaustive but holds most of the reasons people lie in their marriages and relationships. As a therapist, I have seen most of these in relationships. Let’s take look.

8 Reasons Why People Lie in Their Relationships

  1. Fear of disappointing or angering others
  2. A habit they have yet to change
  3. A desire to protect and not hurt others
  4. Placing importance on something you don’t want to requite up
  5. Getting a rush out of risky behavior
  6. Shame of a previous behavior
  7. Loss of unhealthfulness for a spouse or partner
  8. Conflict and fear of losing a partner
  9. Because they think they can get yonder with it
  10. They think it is okay

As we discuss the details of each of these reasons, I encourage you to examine your marriage or relationship to determine if any of these wield to you. Use the understanding you get from this post to help lead you to resolution, grace, or forgiveness in your marriage or relationship.


Get increasingly help with lying or marriage! Check out my workbooks. Click Below!




Fear of disappointing or angering others

Lying to a spouse or partner comes easy sometimes, expressly when you don’t want to wrongness or disappoint them. This is variegated in some cases than not wanting to hurt them. When someone is quack due to this type of fear, they don’t want to finger the negative feelings they get when others are disappointed or wrestling at them.

No person likes it when someone is mad at them. We finger shredded and lonely. I know I would rather not be shredded from my wife in any situation. Many people will lie to stave causing someone to be upset with them, mostly considering they don’t want disconnection.

No matter how upset someone gets at you though, no value of dishonesty is okay. Dishonesty is never okay and can plane rationalization increasingly problems.

A habit that has not yet been changed

Habits are not helpful sometimes. We were created with the worthiness to form habits, and when they are healthy, they requite us increasingly worthiness to be productive and do things we wouldn’t normally be worldly-wise to do without them. However, habits that are unhealthy tend to rationalization increasingly problems than not, but for some reason, we protract them.

Lying can wilt a habit that is unhealthy. One study showed how lying can wilt easier over time. Basically the increasingly you lie, the easier it is to be quack over time. The changes in the smart-ass that happen during quack policies make it possible for a person to make a similar visualization in the future.

This unfortunately is counter-intuitive considering we don’t like to hurt people or make them upset at us. So, when we lie, one would think the pain that is caused would stop us from lying. However, when you don’t get caught, something variegated happens. Your smart-ass may convince you that this can be a good thing. You might finger guilty, but that does not stop you from using the same tactic next time.

A desire to protect and not hurt others

When someone lies due to a desire to protect and not hurt others, they are concerned that if they tell the truth they will rationalization pain for their spouse or significant other. When we rationalization pain to others, we finger shame and regret.

Lying policies doesn’t necessarily midpoint the person is heartless or not thinking well-nigh others. They may be concerned well-nigh how you may be hurt by what they are holding when to from you. They do care, at least at the moment, well-nigh how you feel.

They may want you to know the truth. However, they, in this instant, need to make a quick visualization to either tell you the truth and hurt you, or tell a lie and alimony you from pain and possibly from having an wrestling reaction.

Placing importance on something you don’t want to requite up

When a spouse is dishonest, they could be placing importance on something they don’t want to requite up, increasingly than stuff honest. Unfortunately, this is realistic. You or I may desire something increasingly than honesty. I am not saying that honesty is not the most important thing. I truly believe it is.

Sometimes it is nonflexible to see the forest through the trees! Sometimes pleasure or something that looks unconfined will seem increasingly salubrious at the moment than a future outcome. A person may not want to lose the relationship or requite up an topic or stop doing some other policies they like.

However, future outcomes are increasingly salubrious than lying. So, if you have something you are holding onto and are stuff dishonest, please squint forward to the possibilities. Don’t forget what the consequences and benefits of honesty could be.

Getting a rush out of risky behavior

Dishonest policies as we said can be due to trying to alimony something hidden. If a risky policies or a pleasurable policies that may be considered wrong is part of the issue, then a person may lie to imbricate that up. It goes when to placing importance over honesty due to the upper someone gets from unrepealable behavior.

We see this when it comes to people who are having an affair, watching pornography, doing drugs, or some other haunting behavior. Biological reactions in the smart-ass provide strong attractions to pleasurable and risky things. Dishonesty well-nigh this type of issue can be reasonably understood, though wrong. The reactions in the smart-ass can overcome willpower, leaving a person with a upper need for strong boundaries in their life.

The shame of a previous behavior

Shame tends to be present in all of us. We make one little mistake and we finger like we don’t measure up and don’t deserve to be recognized or loved. However, we still want to be wonted and not rejected.

When we have shame well-nigh something, plane on a small scale, a person is increasingly likely to lie in their marriage or relationships due to wanting to be wonted by their loved ones. They believe that the other person will think less of them considering the quack person believes they should due to the shame.

It seems reasonable, but living with shame is only harming the person who is holding onto it. Shame causes increasingly doubt and rejection through the behaviors it controls. Don’t let shame momentum you to be dishonest. Be honest and tell yourself that you are still a person who deserves connection and acceptance.

Loss of unhealthfulness for a spouse or partner

When some people lie, it’s considering they don’t superintendency for their spouse or partner anymore. They don’t superintendency what the spouse or partner thinks either. They just don’t want to requite that person ammunition. They only superintendency well-nigh “getting what’s theirs” as some would say.

Their deportment are increasingly selfish and self-focused than loving. They will protract to do the behavior, but moreover lie well-nigh it due to world-weariness and lack of snooping for their spouse.

This is not a unconfined sign for the relationship. The spouse who is stuff quack has checked out at this point and could leave, but probably is enjoying some benefit, no matter how big or small, from staying unfluctuating to their partner.

Conflict and fear of losing a partner

The quack spouse might moreover be fearful of mismatch and of losing their partner. Fear of mismatch usually starts early on in the relationship and grows as mismatch continues. They recognize that fights only make things worse and they fear losing their partner if fights continue.

They are conditioned to stave any mismatch or fight at all costs. In essence, their thoughts tell them that it would be largest to lie than to lose their partner in a fight. I see a lot of this in my counseling practice. The quack spouse longs to be honest, but is deathly wrung of fighting and losing their partner’s trust, although they once have wrecked it.

Usually, these couples have had massive fights and the words “divorce” or “I’m leaving” have been said by the husband or the wife or both. It’s a toxic cycle, but one that needs to be broken. Honesty, help with mismatch resolution, and improved liaison is needed.


Dishonesty in marriage is not something to make light about. It is painful and destroys the marriage. However, understanding why your spouse lies can help provide a variegated perspective on quack behavior. Having a variegated perspective can help a couple find other ways to work through the cadre of their issues. Lying usually is never the cadre problem, something else is.

Ready for more? Check out my workbooks. Click Below!





Check out the new podcast! Click Below!


The post Why Do People Lie in Relationships: 8 reasons for dishonesty first appeared on Brandon Coussens, LMFT | Couples Counseling and Sex Therapy.