Healthy Relationships

Be A Better Husband By Avoiding These 21 Common Mistakes

No matter how long you’ve been married, you can unchangingly strengthen and modernize your relationship. You just need the right tools.

In this post, you won’t find the same old generic marriage tips for husbands that you’ve heard before. Instead, you’ll get cutting-edge marriage translating based on:

  • the latest evidence-based scientific studies
  • the nonflexible lessons learned from my own marriage
  • the insights and wisdom gained from helping other husbands improve their marriage over the past 7 years


So if you want to know how to modernize your marriage, how you can be a largest man to your wife, and be a largest husband, here’s 21 worldwide mistakes you’ll want to avoid.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #1:

Trying To Be Perfect

Contrary to popular belief, your wife doesn’t need you to be the smartest, funniest, strongest, richest, sexiest, or most ‘Alpha’ man who overly lived.

Be a largest husband by not stuff perfect
Seriously, no one’s got their shit totally sorted out. And all that pressure and expectation only prevents you from stuff the man she actually wants.

Need proof?

Surveys of women over the past few decades unceasingly show that what women want most is a partner who:

  • they can trust
  • shows emotional maturity
  • shares bilateral love and attraction

Yes, it’s important to have goals and yearing and standards. But don’t make the mistake of thinking your wife needs you to be the most perfectly flawless specimen of a man 24 hours a day. Like seriously, requite yourself a break:

Be genuine, be real, and be human – which ways yes, stuff imperfect.

be a largest husband by stuff playful in marriage

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #2:

Forgetting How To Be Playful

Something I’ve noticed over the years of working with men is that stuff fun, silly, and playful is something that tends to come naturally to us. Considering when it comes lanugo to it, we’re all just big kids at heart.

But as the pressures and stresses of life build up in a marriage, many men tend to lose that sense of playfulness.

And that’s a freaking tragedy, considering fun and play are pure gold for your relationship.

So consider this a gentle nudge to bring increasingly of that playfulness when into your marriage.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #3:

An Immature Tideway To Sex

An uncomfortable truth is that many men tideway sex with their wives like immature teenagers:

“I have an itch that needs scratching. And if you don’t scratch it for me, I’m going to sulk well-nigh it.”

This looks like nagging or pestering your wife for sex. Or throwing a little tantrum if you don’t get your way.

Not the most enticing of foreplay material, right?

husband taking an immature tideway to sex
I get it though:

If your wife has lower desire than you, it can finger like your sex life is in her hands. Leaving you feeling frustrated and helpless. But how you respond might be making things worse.

Let me be veritably well-spoken here: there’s nothing wrong with having a upper desire for sex. And it’s OK to finger disappointed if you’re not having as much sex as you’d like.

But it’s moreover important to take personal responsibility for your sexual desires, instead of making sex a duty your wife is expected to fulfil.

Because when sex feels like pressure, it shuts lanugo her natural desire. And stuff worried well-nigh a potential teenage tantrum to deal with makes it plane harder for her to find a genuine ‘yes’.

So rather than remaining stuck in the horny teenager tideway (which obviously doesn’t work), the solution lies in finding a increasingly mature approach.

Not sure what that looks like?

Check out our Reignite Your Love Life home study course. It’s helped men just like you to revive a sexless marriage in as little as 4 weeks.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #4:

Not Having An Opinion

“I don’t know, what do you want?”

Urgh. There’s few things increasingly infuriating than those seven little words.

Sure, you just want to please her and make her happy. So you’re willing to be flexible and go with whatever she wants. It’s so selfless, right?

Well, not really.

You see, by refusing to have an opinion, you not only undersong her with the responsibility of making the decision, you moreover come wideness as untrustworthy and not to be depended on. Repeat this over time and it adds up to a lot of resentment in your marriage – for both of you.

The remedy here is simple: have an opinion. Make a decision. Take a stand for something – anything.

You don’t have to be rigid well-nigh it, but by having a perspective, you’re contributing to the conversation instead of leaving it all up to them.

Husband with lack of emotional intelligence

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #5:

Not Developing Your EQ

Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, is one of the biggest predictors of marriage satisfaction and harmony*.

No one’s born with a upper EQ, but unlike IQ (which is notoriously difficult to improve) emotional intelligence is something anyone can increase.

Working on your EQ – from developing your self sensation and your worthiness to process emotions, to handling mismatch and liaison better – is a guaranteed way to make your marriage better.

Or as women unceasingly tell us: emotional intelligence in a man is sexy AF.

For this reason, I’ve included a tuft of EQ tips in this article. If you wield plane half them you’ll be well on your way to rhadamanthine a largest husband – and a increasingly all virtually lulu partner.

Be present to be a largest partner

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #6:

Not Stuff Present

A lack of presence is a worldwide marital complaint from both husbands and wives:

  • Checking your phone in the middle of a conversation
  • Answering emails outside of work time
  • Not stuff fully engaged in a conversation
  • Not checking in with one another
  • Not prioritizing quality time together
  • Being often ‘checked out’ or uninterested in the relationship

Simply put, these behaviours communicate to your partner that they’re not important; that they’re not worth stopping what you’re doing and giving your full sustentation to.

And if you’re not unceasingly practicing presence in your relationship, it’s moreover likely that you’re…

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #7:

Not Prioritizing Emotional Connection

Emotional intimacy in marriage matters.

Studies show that the dispersal of emotional connection is one of the leading causes of divorce.

(Learn increasingly toxic signs there’s no emotional intimacy in your marriage to watch out for.)

Married couple with no emotional connection in their marriage
So what’s the fix?

Consistently share your inner world with your partner: your hopes, dreams, fears, challenges… Plane just your everyday thoughts and feelings.

Don’t make the mistake of lamister this considering “real men don’t have feelings”. Talking openly well-nigh your wits helps nurture your connection and strengthens your marriage.

And research shows that simply identifying what you finger (even if you don’t find a solution to it) unquestionably reduces the intensity of your emotions, and helps you move past them.

(Want to super-charge your intimacy skills? Trammels out these 9 Powerful Intimacy Exercises For Couples.)

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #8:

Trying To Fix Her

While we’re on the topic of opening up to each other… When your partner comes to you with their challenges, here’s one of the biggest mistakes men make:

Trying to fix her.

husband trying to fix his wife's problems
Logically, it makes sense: You want to help solve her problems so she can be happy, right?

But immediately jumping to solutions has the unintended magnitude of diminishing her experience. Which can finger dismissive at best, patronising or sulphorous at worst.

Without intending to, it can come wideness as, “You shouldn’t be experiencing this. You’re doing it wrong. You should do this instead.”

If she wants solutions, she’ll ask. And if you’re not sure, you can ask: “Would you like my help to spitball solutions? Or do you want me to just listen?”

Chances are, talking through her problems with you is giving her the space she needs to work out her own solutions. And creating that space for her is the weightier role you can play.

Which brings us to…

Be a largest husband by listening curiously to wife

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #9:

Not Stuff Curious

There’s an art to listening that, when practiced, will transform your relationship for the better.

Here’s the thing: she’s coming to you considering she wants you to understand her. She’s giving you a window into her internal world considering she wants to be known by you:

Not to be judged. Not to be fixed. Not plane to be well-set with. To be understood.

So how do you do that?

You get curious.

be a largest husband listening quote by Stephen Covey

Your mission is to gather information well-nigh what it’s like to be her and to have had that experience. Keep the goal of understanding her at the forefront of your mind.

Here are some unconfined questions to get you started:

  • How did you finger when that happened?
  • What was challenging well-nigh that?
  • Why is this important to you?
  • What would you like to see happen?

This brings us to the next mistake to conquer (and one of the most important EQ tips to master)…

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #10:

Not Validating Her Feelings

Starting to get a handle on asking curious questions and listening to understand? Then here’s a magic bullet that’ll have her feeling super seen and heard:

Acknowledge and validate how she’s feeling.

Now, don’t make the rookie mistake of simply parroting their words when to them. It’s a nice sentiment, but it doesn’t help your partner finger heard.

Husband validating wife's feelings
Instead, think well-nigh what your partner might have felt when they experienced what they did. Really put yourself in their shoes and imagine what that might’ve been like. Then share your empathy and understanding from that perspective.

Now, you might worry that validating her feelings could encourage her to ‘wallow’ in them. But the opposite is unquestionably true:

Knowing that she can come to you with her challenges can be a source of strength and stability in a messy, complicated world. And increasingly often than not, having our feelings validated helps us ‘complete the cycle’ and move on from difficult emotions.

Husband understanding wife's sexual breaks and accelerators

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #11:

Believing ‘Libidos’ Are Real

Let’s take it when to sex for a moment, with one of the biggest lies we’re told well-nigh sex and desire:

That it’s driven by your libido (AKA a sex drive).

Spoiler alert: It’s not*.

So if you’re arguing well-nigh sex in your marriage, it’s time to stop blaming your libidos.

What really drives desire is a brake and an accelerator.

How sensitive your restriction and smatter are varies from person to person. Context moreover plays a big role, such as whether you’re stressed, or you’ve just had an argument, or you’re living it up on a tropical waterfront vacation.

So instead of trying to ‘boost her libido’ (or yours) what’s unquestionably helpful is learning how to work with each other’s brakes and accelerators.

And while we’re on the topic of sex, let’s moreover talk well-nigh not…

Husband understanding wife's sexual breaks and accelerators

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #12:

Skimping On Foreplay

When you’ve been together a while, it’s easy to rush straight to the sex part.

But foreplay matters for women – plane if they don’t unchangingly ask for it. (Especially if you find yourself with a dead bedroom or sexless marriage).

Women often need a lot increasingly time to warm up* for sex to be tightly pleasurable. While you might have a quick switch for erection (and orgasm), there’s a lot that needs to happen anatomically (and mentally) for a woman to fully turn on.

Slow lanugo and spend increasingly time savouring pleasure and getting each other super turned on and hot.

In fact, let go of penetrative sex as the ‘goal’ and expand your definition of sex to include any sexy worriedness that makes you both finger good. It will take your sex life to flipside level, and help your wife discover plane deeper levels of pleasure and satisfaction.

And if you want to make sex increasingly enjoyable for a woman, here’s 7 important tips that plane she might not know.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #13:

Not Stuff Unshut To Influence

In a long-term study of married couples, relationship therapists and marriage researchers Julie & John Gottman found that, “Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81% endangerment that his marriage will self-destruct.”


Husband not unshut to influence from wife
But unsuspicious influence is not simply agreeing with your partner. That’s a recipe for disaster.

Being unshut to influence looks like:

  • Not dismissing your wife when she comes to you with a complaint or a request
  • Trying to genuinely understand where she’s coming from
  • Asking yourself, “How can I find a way to work together so that we both get our needs, wants, and desires met, in a way that feels good for both of us?”

So instead of either rejecting or giving in, being unshut to influence is substantially being willing to collaborate. And it’s one of the best, evidence-based ways to be a largest husband.

(And for the record, unsuspicious influence is important for both partners. But research shows that it’s an zone that men tend to struggle with increasingly than women.)

Husband saying no

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #14:

Not Saying ‘No’

Being unshut to influence and finding ways to interreact are important.

And, just as important is having healthy boundaries and knowing how to say ‘no’.

Because stuff a good husband moreover includes standing up for your values and personal desires, so you can moreover be true to the man you want to be.

As long as you’re respectful when you do it, your wife will respect that you’re taking a stand for yourself and what you believe in. Plane if it’s nonflexible to hear.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #15:

Shutting Lanugo During Conflict

In the midst of mismatch with your partner, men are 80% increasingly likely* to get emotionally overwhelmed – a miracle known as emotional flooding.

It ways your soul goes into a stress response, and your worthiness to have a productive conversation diminishes.

are you flooded? Gottman Institute infographic
Once flooded, you’re increasingly likely to go zippo or shut down. It’s not unchangingly a nomination – it’s increasingly of a protective default – and it has an impact on your partner. It feels like you’re purposefully shutting her out, leading to an escalation in the mismatch as she struggles to be heard.

But standing to engage once you’re flooded doesn’t work either. Just like a flooded engine, the weightier strategy is to take some time out and let things settle.

So if you finger yourself shutting down, undeniability a Timeout. It allows you to wifely your nervous system so you can have a increasingly productive conversation.

Husband taking timeout during conflict
A good formula goes something like this:

“I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Let’s undeniability a Timeout so I can wifely down, get some clarity, and trammels when in 20 minutes.”

Simple as that.

For bonus points, you can moreover add an, “I love you, and we’ll work this out” for reassurance. This shows that you’re not withdrawing her, while moreover permitting yourself the space to work through your feelings and icon out how you’d like to respond.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #16:

Missing The Yearning Beneath The Complaint

Speaking of conflict, it’s not easy when your wife comes to you with a complaint:

  • That you’re spending too much time at work
  • Or too much time with your friends
  • Or that you’re not doing your share of the housework

It can finger like criticism or a personal wade – that she’s pointing out all the ways that you’re not doing enough, or not doing it right.

Wife communicating complaints to husband
But here’s the thing to remember – underneath the complaint, there’s a longing:

Too much time at work? – She wants quality time with you.

Time with friends? – She wants to finger prioritized and chosen.

Not pulling your weight? – She wants to finger like a team who works together fairly.

Focusing on the underlying desire helps move you from a place of defensiveness to a place of collaboration, turning potential mismatch into a increasingly productive conversation.

From this perspective, you get to be a part of the solution, instead of part of the problem.

Husband complimenting wife

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #17:

Forgetting to Compliment Her

When you first got together, chances are the appreciations and compliments flowed freely.

But is that still the case?

Look, everyone loves external validation. And ‘positive re-enforcement’ works wonders for towers safety and trust in a marriage.

So don’t be stingy when it comes to compliments, from all the sunny things she does to how damn gorgeous she looks when you go out to dinner.

It’ll bring when the sparkle in her eyes, and yours.

husband not sharing the housework

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #18:

Not Sharing The Housework

It might sound boring, but managing the household fairly is simply a part of stuff a grown-ass adult.

And despite how far we’ve come with gender equality, women are still spending increasingly time doing housework than their male partners. Plane when they’re both working full-time.

It’s not just the chores themselves. It’s moreover the weight of the emotional and mental load that women carry.

Look, the marrow line is that, man or woman, no one wants to be married to a child who can’t work together to run the house. That isn’t lulu at all.

And if you still need increasingly motivation to get this sorted, studies show that couples who share the responsibility are happier, increasingly satisfied, and have a increasingly fulfilling sex life.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #19:

Not Owning Your Mistakes

It can be really nonflexible to shoehorn where we went wrong. Or when we’ve hurt someone’s feelings. Or how we could’ve washed-up better.

And it can be expressly difficult for us men when we’ve been taught that to be ‘masculine’ ways to have all the answers and to unchangingly be right.

Husband wanting to modernize marriage by owning his mistakes
But truly owning your mistakes can be one of the strongest, ‘manliest’ things you can do, increasing your trustworthiness and sexiness in the process (thanks to what’s known as the pratfall effect).

You moreover help create a relationship culture where you both get to be human and make mistakes, which really takes the pressure off.

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #20:

Making Crap Apologies

Speaking of mistakes… Messing up and unintentionally hurting people happens in plane the strongest marriages. But what matters is understanding how to apologise and repair.

Here’s what you need to know:

be a largest husband by apologizing infographic
Apologies aren’t unchangingly well-nigh doing something ‘wrong’ either. They can moreover be used to express empathy and understanding, and as a transferral to lamister hurt in the future.

Great apologies have the power to steer mismatch in a much increasingly productive direction, and help you to repair arguments a whole lot faster.

Being a largest husband by appreciating wife

How To Be A Largest Husband Mistake #21:

Not Expressing Your Love

It’s obvious that you love her. You wouldn’t be here trying to be a largest husband otherwise.

But over the years of stuff together, it’s far too easy to get complacent in your marriage, and to seem she knows how you feel. The probelm is, we all need to finger urgently loved and appreciated, or else we start to doubt it or finger taken for granted.

So if you take only one thing from this whole post, let it be this:

Find little ways to authentically express your love, and do it on the daily. They don’t have to be big, unthrifty gestures. Just make sure you express your love so she knows how you truly finger well-nigh her.

So where to from here?

If sex a problem in your relationship, and you require increasingly physical intimacy, trammels out our well-constructed how-to guide to help you reignite your love life.

If you want increasingly ideas well-nigh how to modernize the emotional connection in your relationship, trammels out our practical guide on building emotional intimacy.

Having arguments, conflicts, and fights you don’t know how to resolve? The Mismatch To Connection communication undertow for couples is for you.

Ready to create the weightier marriage possible? Trammels out these 11 conscious marriage goals for a stronger relationship.

Or if you’ve got a increasingly specific relationship rencontre you’re ready to squatter and overcome, learn increasingly well-nigh 1:1 men’s coaching.


While many of these points wield to gay husbands – as there are a lot of similarities between heterosexual and gay relationships – there are moreover important differences too.

And although I do work with gay men in my men’s coaching practice, we work exclusively with heterosexual couples in our couple’s coaching practice. For these reasons, this vendible is focused on straight, cis-gendered husbands.

Sources & References
At Practical Intimacy we’re single-minded to keeping our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. We use only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles.

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Bancroft, John, Graham, Cynthia A., Janssen, Erick, Sanders, Stephanie A. (2009). The Dual Control Model: Current Status and Future Directions. Journal of Sex Research, 46 (2 & 3): 121-142.

Boxer, C. F., Noonan, M. C., & Whelan, C. B. (2015). Measuring Mate Preferences: A Replication and Extension. Journal of Family Issues, 36(2), 163–187.

Brittle, Z. (2015). Manage Conflict: Unsuspicious Influence. The Gottman Institute.

Carlson, D.L., Miller, A.J., Sassler, S. and Hanson, S. (2016), The Gendered Division of Housework and Couples’ Sexual Relationships: A Reexamination. Journal of Marriage and Family, 78: 975-995.

Ellingsen, D. M., Leknes, S., Løseth, G., Wessberg, J., & Olausson, H. (2016). The Neurobiology Shaping Affective Touch: Expectation, Motivation, and Meaning in the Multisensory Context. Frontiers in psychology, 6, 1986.

Glover, A. (2003). No Increasingly Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life. Running Press Adult.

Gottman, J. (1993). A theory of marital dissolution and stability. Journal of Family Psychology, 7, 57–75. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.7.1.57

Haden, J. (2020, January 29) 3 Words That Will Make You A Increasingly Effective Leader. Gusto.

Hartley, G. (2017, September 27). Women Aren’t Nags – We’re Just Fed Up. Harper’s Bazaar.

Nave, G., Nadler, A., Zava, D. & Camerer, C. (2017) Single dose testosterone wardship impairs cognitive reflection in men. Psychological Science, 28 (10). pp. 1398-1407. ISSN 0956-7976.

Pomerance, M. (n.d.) What Is Emotional Flooding? The Candidly.

Velasco, E. (2017, April 27) Testosterone Makes Men Less Likely to Question Their Impulses, Caltech.

Zamosky, L. & Westen, L. C. (2009, October 27) Sex: Why Foreplay Matters (Especially for Women). WebMD.

Reece Stockhausen has made improving men's lives and relationships both his passion, and his career. With over 25 years wits in the Personal Minutiae industry, and 8 years coaching both men and couples, he writes no-BS translating blogs on all things relationships, sexuality, and personal development.

Apply for a free, no-obligation online men's coaching undeniability to discover how he can weightier support you.