How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work: 15 Best Tips to Survive (& Thrive)
Way when in the whence of our relationship we did the long loftiness thing for well-nigh 6 months.
And like most long-distance couples, we were forced to confront some painful fears and insecurities:
“Are long loftiness relationships worth it?”
“Can this really work? Or develop into something meaningful?”
So we’ve combined the weightier of what we’ve learned with the strategies and practical tips we’ve ripened for our relationship coaching clients. This is increasingly than just the theory overdue how to maintain a long loftiness relationship. It’s a step-by-step whoopee plan you can use in your relationship right now.
You’re going to learn:
- How to stay emotionally unfluctuating in a long loftiness relationship.
- The most worldwide long loftiness relationship problems and struggles (and how to stave them).
- How to survive a long loftiness relationship for a long period of time.
Think of this as the ultimate evidence-and-experience-based guide to having a healthy, happy, and successful long loftiness relationship.
But surpassing we get to that, let’s tackle this important question first:
Do Long-Distance Relationships Work?
When approached correctly, long loftiness relationships can strengthen liaison skills, deepen emotional connection, and help you find a healthy wastefulness between closeness and independence. LDRs can set you up for long-term success by bringing up underlying issues that many in-person relationships neglect to deal with.
Think of it this way – time spent in a long loftiness relationship is kinda like human years vs. cat years:
6 months in a long loftiness relationship can finger like 2 years of deep, focused, relationship work.
Which doesn’t unchangingly come easy.
But by implementing these long loftiness relationship tips, we believe you can drastically modernize the quality of your long loftiness relationship.
15 Weightier Tips & Translating on How to Make a Long Loftiness Relationship Work
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #1:
Have an End Date
You know how looking forward to the weekend helps you make it through a wearisome work day?
Well having a relationship rendezvous to focus on can help you overcome the distance.
Big picture-wise you’ll want to have a plan well-nigh how to be together permanently. But prioritising the temporary times is just as important too.
Maybe it’s a holiday you’re planning together, or an upcoming weekend visit. Maybe there’s a family event, or a mid-week work trip that ways you’ll be in the same city.
These visits unravel up the monotony and isolation and requite you something to squint forward to.
But as the craziness of 2020 has shown, sometimes these shorter-term goals aren’t possible. So if you’re not sure when you’ll have a endangerment to see each other again…
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #2:
Find The Certainty Within The Uncertainty
Sometimes it’s just not possible to sketch out a timeline. Sometimes the complexities of work, study, travel, or family get in the way.
And not knowing how or when you can be together is when things start to finger pessimistic and hopeless.
But not having a crystal well-spoken plan for the future doesn’t midpoint your LDR is without certainty. Considering here’s the thing:
Every time you show up for each other – on a video undeniability or sending a message – you’re choosing each other. You’re making a big, bold, trappy statement that says, “I’m still here… And I’m still choosing this.”
And that’s an incredibly valuable form of certainty and commitment.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #3:
Get Well-appointed With Silence
There’s plenty of times in an in-person relationship when you’re just hanging out and not saying much.
But sitting in silence on Facetime in a long loftiness relationship feels kinda… weird.
Even though silence is normal and natural, it’s one of those unique long loftiness relationship problems that makes people question the health of their relationship. And worry that there’s something wrong.
So instead of seeing silence as a problem, try embracing it.
When you first get on a video call, try intentionally sitting in silence for a moment:
- Don’t just squint at, but really notice one another.
- Pay sustentation to your soul – your breath, your emotions, and any sensations you’re feeling.
- Also notice how you’re impacted by each other’s presence.
This might finger worrisome at first. But you’ll be surprised by what it can unshut up between you.
Starting a video stage with this online variation of ‘eye-gazing’ can help you finger increasingly centred and relaxed. It moreover gives you an opportunity to fathom each other and connect without words.
There’s a positive hormonal uplift in this practice too:
Studies* on the neuroscience of eye-gazing show an increase in oxytocin (aka the love and bonding hormone) – increasing feelings of closeness and negating some of the negative psychological effects of long loftiness relationships.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #4:
Improve the Quality of Your Conversations
How do you stay emotionally unfluctuating in a long loftiness relationship?
Obviously liaison is key. But communicating is increasingly than ‘just talking’. It’s how and what you communicate that matters.
One of the simplest ways to modernize the quality of your conversations is to modernize the quality of your questions.
Instead of the usual, “How was your day?” conversation rut, try going deeper:
“What was the weightier thing that happened today?… And why?” leads to a much increasingly fulfilling conversation.
You can moreover try increasingly wholesale yet revealing questions such as, “What’s something that’s been on your mind a lot lately?”
Focus on questions that develop your understanding of each other: from current passions or struggles, their childhood, favourite movies or books, or these 36 questions in love. All of which help you update your Love Maps and deepen your emotional connection.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #5:
Make Video Calls Optional
A worldwide mistake many long loftiness couples make is talking Every. Single. Day.
Now, staying unfluctuating on the daily is a trappy sentiment. But it can moreover create a tonne of pressure and expectation.
Especially considering there’s going to be times when you’re just not up for it.
Communication frequency in a long loftiness relationship is increasingly art than science:
It depends on your individual lifestyles, liaison styles, personalities… And yeah – your time zones.
To help take the pressure off, have a judgement-and-guilt-free ‘opt-out’ policy. It’s OK to subtract the regularity of your calls if it ways increasing the quality.
Trust that you can requite each other a bit of space, and savour the bitter-sweetness of unquestionably missing each other.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #6:
Live Up The Single Life
No, we’re not talking well-nigh playing the field. (Gotta respect whatever relationship agreements you have).
But you know all the other tomfool stuff that comes with stuff single?
- Hanging out with friends and family
- Prioritizing your passions and hobbies
- Sleeping diagonally wideness the bed and giving zero fucks
You get to have all that AND an superstitious relationship too.
The truth is, many people struggle with maintaining a sense of self and feeling self-rule in a relationship. Which inevitably leads to serious problems lanugo the track.
But a long loftiness relationship gives you an opportunity to excel at this from the beginning:
See time spent untied as an opportunity to wilt your weightier selves. So that when you’re finally together you’re coming together as two amazing, whole and fulfilled individuals.
Discovering and stuff yourselves pays dividends not just for you, but your relationship in the long term.
(Need support on your journey of self-discovery? Check out our men’s and women’s coaching to typesetting in for a self-ruling call. We’ll help you develop a personalised whoopee plan to unleash your awesomeness).
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #7:
Slay The Paranoia Monster
We get it. Living the single life yonder from each other can bring all those anxieties and unhealthy zipper styles* to the surface.
Increases in jealousy and insecurity are worldwide emotional and psychological effects of long loftiness relationships. But there are ways to prevent these feels from ruling your life.
One super-helpful transferral to make is giving your partner the goody of the doubt:
If they don’t text when or missed a undeniability you had scheduled – don’t jump straight to “They must have found someone new and don’t plane want to be with me anymore!”
Instead, go with the increasingly reasonable (and much increasingly likely) explanation:
They’ve fallen unconsciousness on the couch… They’re transmissible up on some work and lost track of time… They’ve got their time zones mixed up and are still cooking dinner.
Stay cool, calm, collected, and urgently work to alimony that Paranoia Monster at bay. Otherwise you risk creating problems where there are none.
Noticing an increase in uneasiness or worry?
Try writing lanugo your concerns and rationally working through them. When you speak with your partner, let them know that you had a visit from the Paranoia Monster and talk it over. Take ownership of your fears and insecurities, rather than putting the vituperation on their actions.
Talking honestly well-nigh your thoughts and feelings will not only help alimony the Monster at bay, it moreover helps build trust and emotional intimacy too.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #8:
Share The Small Moments
Speaking of emotional intimacy, it’s often the small things you miss the most when you’re yonder from your partner:
- Sharing a coffee on a Sunday morning
- Snuggling on the hovel watching Netflix
- Making dinner together
These everyday moments are incredibly precious to long loftiness couples. They help you finger increasingly included and emotionally tropical to one another.
So take a cheesey snap of you and your toothbrush. Text them to let them know you’re watching your favourite show and thinking of them. (Even better, set up your video undeniability so you can sit and watch the same show together). Send them a playlist of your favourite Spotify jams.
Some of the weightier ways to maintain a long loftiness relationship are unquestionably the simplest.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #9:
Mark Your Territory
Similar to sharing the little things, having physical reminders of each other in your space can really help too:
Whether it’s keeping one of their T-shirts in your closet, their favourite coffee mug on the kitchen bench, or photos scattered virtually the house, these little mementos will help them to finger tropical to your heart.
A simple, sweet thing to do is to send each other little surprise items in the mail:
One of your hair clips. A typesetting you’ve just read. Your perfume or signature essential oil. The little items that you’d normally see laying virtually that remind you of each other.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #10:
Speak Each Other’s Love Language
Love Languages are important in every relationship. But for long loftiness couples they’re an essential survival skill.
Don’t know what we’re talking about?
The 5 Love Languages* are from fellow relationship nerd Gary Chapman. Essentially, we all express and receive love in variegated ways:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Qulaity Time
- Physical Touch
Knowing each other’s Love Language helps you both finger loved and validated. And they help a LOT when long loftiness gets hard:
Partner having a rough day? If their Love Language is Gifts, get a tuft of flowers or their favourite bakery treat delivered to send an injection of love their way.
If their Love Language is Words of Affirmation, a heartfelt text or letter is the way to go.
When you’re far untied from each other, knowing how to speak each other’s language is like having their heart on speed dial.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #11:
Partner just shared something on Instagram?
We’re betting there’s one Like that’s worth increasingly than all the others combined.
It’s such a simple yet powerful way to show that you’re thinking of them. That you’re pursuit withal with their life and right there with them in all the moments.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #12:
Nourish Your Sexual Connection (18 only)
Sexual intimacy is obviously an important part of any relationship.
And when you consider the lack of physical touch in long loftiness relationships – all the cuddles, kisses, and hand holding you miss out on – finding ways to connect intimately becomes plane increasingly important.
The rencontre is finding ways to connect sexually that feels both well-appointed and satisfying.
But there’s no shortage of options. It simply requires good communication, respect of boundaries, and a little imagination.
Need some inspiration? Here’s some ideas well-nigh how to be intimate in a long loftiness relationship:
Make sure you’re confident that any images or videos you send are for your partner’s vision only. This might midpoint setting boundaries virtually how you want your images used and stored, and ultimately deleted if that’s what you want for any reason whatsoever.
And if you’re under 18 and you’ve stumbled upon this blog, know that sending nude images is considered child pornography and is illegal. Know your laws, and stay safe.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #13:
Get Well-spoken on Your Boundaries
Speaking of sex, have you overly taken the time to pinpoint your relationship style?
Is your relationship monogamous? Open/polyamorous? Something in between?
What exactly do those words midpoint to you? And what agreements come withal with that?
The thing is – most couples just seem they’re on the same page. But as the saying goes, “Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups”.
So plane if you’re well-spoken on your relationship style, you’ll want to remoter sieve what your boundaries and expectations are:
Explore questions virtually what flirting ways to each of you – including what that looks like on social media. What exactly constitutes ‘cheating’? Is it sexual connection? Emotional intimacy? What does transparency and honesty midpoint to you?
These conversations can be difficult to have. But in the long term they’ll help build trust in your relationship, and help you finger increasingly secure with the loftiness between you.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #14:
Prepare For Conflict
Misunderstandings in long loftiness relationships can screw out of tenancy – fast. And one of the most worldwide reasons why arguments begin? Feeling out of sync with each other.
You probably know what it feels like:
- After a couple of bumpy minutes, it’s well-spoken that you’re not on the same emotional page.
- Or you’re explaining something important, but they just don’t see where you’re coming from.
- Or for whatever reason, you can’t quite get into the story they’re telling.
The truth is, sometimes conversation and connection is awkward. Especially in a long loftiness relationship. And while you could try and persevere, sometimes it’s largest to simply let it be.
Have a quick way to name it, so you can at least express your discomfort and manage expectations.
Don’t be wrung to say, “I’m not in the right headspace today. Can we try then tomorrow?”
Create a strategy for when you’re feeling disconnected, rather than trying to deal with it in the moment. By anticipating mismatch you’re prepared and ready to deal when it does inevitably come up.
HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #15:
We’ve saved the weightier for last, considering here’s the thing:
When it comes to relationships, most people just fall into them and make it up as they stumble along.
On the other hand, successful long loftiness relationships need much increasingly planning and forethought. You have an opportunity here to get intentional – to set your relationship up for success in a way most in-person relationships never do.
This can squint like a variety of things:
From sketching out your relationship agreements, to working out the big picture vision of your life together. It’s well-nigh designing a relationship – something we refer to as a Conscious Relationship.
With all of the conversation-focused time you have, there’s an opportunity to talk well-nigh the stuff that really matters:
- Your values
- Your big picture dreams
- Your hopes and fears for the future
- What you want to create in your life
- Why this relationship is important to you
You see, having these powerful conversations makes your relationship bulletproof. Yet many couples don’t have the valiance or intentionality to go there.
To set you up for success, we’ve created an unshortened deep swoop on this topic:
Here’s how you can create a conscious relationship that lights you up and fulfils both of your needs. (And don’t forget to grab the self-ruling step-by-step download at the end).
Reece Stockhausen & Jodie Milton have made improving people’s lives and relationships both their passion, and their career. With over 25 years wits in the Personal Development industry, and 8 years coaching singles and couples, their no-BS translating has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Bustle, and HuffPost.
Book in for a complimentary online video undeniability to discover how their men's, women's, and couple's coaching programs can support you.