Common Relationship Problems and How to Deal With Them
It's a rare couple that doesn't encounter any obstacles along the way. However, if you identify in advance what these relationship problems might be, you will have a much better chance of overcoming them.
While every relationship has its ups and downs. and their tough times, successful women have learned to overcome obstacles and maintain their love lives, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround. They assert themselves, face problems and learn to solve the complex problems of everyday life. Many achieve this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to therapy, observing other successful couples, or simply through trial and error.
Problem relational : Communication
All relationship problems stem from poor communication, says Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. “You can't communicate by looking at your BlackBerry, watching TV or browsing the sports section,” he says.
- Have a real date together, advises Shimberg. If you live together, put your cell phone on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let the answering machine answer your calls.
- If you can't "communicate" without raising your voice, leave. Go somewhere, like a library, park, or restaurant, where you would feel embarrassed if someone saw you yelling.
- Establish some rules. Try not to interrupt your partner until he or she has finished speaking or avoid using expressions such as "You always..." or "You never..."
- Use body language to show that you're listening. Don't scribble, don't look at the clock, or pick your nails. Nod your head to let the other person know that you understand the message and rephrase it if necessary. For example, you might say, “I hear you feel like you have more responsibilities at home, even though we both work.” If you're right, the other person can confirm that. If the other person really wants to say, “Hey, you're lazy and you're giving me more work by having to collect your things", you could say that, but in a nicer way.
Relationship Problem: Sex
Even couples who love each other may not be sexually compatible. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual awareness and education makes these problems worse. But sex is one of the last things you should give up, Fay says. “Sex,” he says, “brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and maintains healthy couple chemistry.”
Problem- Resolution strategies:
- Plan, plan, plan. Fay suggests going out with someone, but not necessarily in the evening, when everyone is tired. Maybe during the child's Saturday afternoon nap or a "quick before work". Ask friends or family to spend the night with the kids every Friday night. “If sex is on the agenda, expectations increase,” says Fay.
- A little variety during sex can also make sex more fun, she says. Why not make love in the kitchen? Or near the fire? Or stay in the hallway? Find out what really turns you and your partner on by creating a personal "wish list," suggests California psychotherapist Allison Cohen.
- She swaps the lists and uses them to create multiple scenarios that excite both of you.
If your sexual problems can't be solved on your own, Fay recommends seeing a qualified sex therapist to help you solve them.
Relationship Problem: Money
Financial problems can begin before the wedding vows are exchanged. They could be due, for example, to advertising costs or the high costs of a wedding. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) recommends that couples struggling financially take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.
- Be honest about your current financial situation. If something goes wrong, it's unrealistic to continue with the same lifestyle.
- Don't mention the problem in the heat of the moment. Instead, plan a time that is comfortable and non-threatening for both of you.
- Recognize that one partner can save and the other can spend, understand that there are benefits for both of you, and agree to learn from this. . . the tendencies of each individual.
- Don't hide your income or debts. Bring financial documents with you, including an updated credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts and investments.
Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
Decide who will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
Allow everyone to be independent by setting aside money to spend however they want.
Set short- and long-term goals. It's good to have individual goals, but you should also have family goals.
Talk about how to care for your parents as they get older and how to properly plan for your financial needs if necessary.
Relationship problem: arguments about household chores
- Most couples work outside the home and often have more than one job. That's why it's important to evenly distribute work at home, says Paulette Kouffman-Sherman, author of Dating From the Inside Out.
- Be organized and clear about your respective responsibilities at home, advises Kouffman-Sherman. Write down all the tasks and agree who does what. Be honest so there are no hard feelings.
- Be open to other solutions, she recommends. If you both hate housework, perhaps you could hire a cleaning service. If one of you likes to clean, the other can do laundry and work in the yard. You can be creative and accommodate your preferences, as long as it's right for both of you.
Relationship Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority
If you want to maintain your love life, saying "yes" shouldn't just be a matter of putting your relationship first. “Relationships lose their luster. So make your relationship a priority," says Karen Sherman, author of "Marriage Magic." Find it, save it and make it last.
- Do the things you've done on the first date: show appreciation, compliment each other, extend your hand. During the day, show interest in each other.
- Plan a date night. Schedule time together in your calendar, as you would for any other important event in the your life.
- Respect each other. Say "Thank you" and "I appreciate you..." This way, your partner will know that it is important.
Relationship Problem: Conflict
According to New York psychologist Susan Silverman, occasional conflicts are a part of life. But if you and your partner feel like you're starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day (i.e., the same unpleasant situations repeat themselves day after day), it's time to break free from that toxic routine. If you make an effort, you can reduce your anger and calmly examine the underlying problems.
You and your partner can learn to speak more politely and helpfully, says Silverman. Make these strategies part of your identity in this relationship.
Remember that you are not a victim. It's up to you to decide if and how to react.
- Be honest with yourself. If you're in the middle of an argument, are your comments aimed at resolving the conflict or seeking revenge? If your comments are offensive and accusatory, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
- Change it. If you continue to react in ways that have caused you pain and dissatisfaction in the past, you cannot expect a different outcome this time. A small change can make a big difference. If you tend to get defensive before your partner finishes speaking, wait a moment. You'll be surprised how a small change of pace can change the tone of a discussion.
- Wait a minute; Get lots of them. Apologize if you make a mistake. Sure, it's hard, but try and you'll see something wonderful happen.
- "You can't control anyone's behavior," says Silverman. “The only one responsible is you.
Relationship Problem: Trust
Trust is an essential element of a relationship. Do you see certain things that make you not trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved problems that prevent you from trusting others?
You and your partner can build mutual trust by following these tips, says Fay.
- Be consistent.
- Get Reached at the right time.
- Do what you say.
- Do not lie, even small ones, to your partner or other people.
- Be Be right, even during an argument.
- Be sensitive to the other person's feelings. You can always disagree, but don't neglect your partner's feelings.
- Call anytime.
- Call to let them know you'll be home late.
- Get your fair share of the workload.
- Don't overreact when something goes wrong.
- Never say things you can't take back.
- Don't do this. Don't dredge up old wounds.
- Respect your partner's boundaries.
- Don't be jealous.
- Be a good listener.
While there will always be problems in a relationship, Sherman says there are things the two of you can do to minimize marital problems or even avoid them altogether.
First, be realistic. Believing that your partner can meet all your needs and solve them without you asking is a Hollywood fantasy. “Ask directly for what you need,” he says.
Then use humor: he learns to let things go and have more fun.
Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and really examine what needs to be done. Don't think it would be better with someone else. If you don't solve problems, the same lack of skills that currently hinders you will continue to exist and cause problems, regardless of the relationship you are in.